Anniversary? *Shrugs* Who Cares?

Apparently not my husband..
Yes, I whined about him last week. Yes I'm whining about him again. I have issues.
Friday was our 5 year anniversary. Not for marriage, but for dating. 5 years ago Friday, we became a couple. 3 years ago Friday, he proposed to me. The baby was out of the house, we had the night to ourselves.
I got home from work expecting SOMETHING to happen. I got a letter. "Hey honey, please fold laundry when you get home. Also, Happy Anniversary." And that was it.
No card, no flowers, no poem, no dinner, no movie. Yes, we have a mortgage now and need to save money, but where do you draw the line? When you can't even celebrate a milestone in your relationship, it's time to re-evaluate. And it's not like there aren't FREE things he could have done. For instance, if the note had instead read: "Hey honey, I Folded the laundry. Happy Anniversary" I would have probably felt differently about it. But no. He spent the evening playing WoW, so I had to find other things to do to amuse myself. Played some Spore, caught up on TV, whatever.
And for anyone that thinks I should be telling him this instead of the world, well I did. Loudly and angrily.
And I bet everyone $100 that it will still happen next year.

Addicted

Short Co-worker - "I think I'm addicted to caffiene."
Me - "Why?"
Short Coworker- "Last night, my brother woke me up at 2:30 in the morning, and all I could think was "I want a soda."
Me - "You must be. If someone woke me up at 2:30 in the morning, all I would think is "I want a gun."

Ex's Earrings

So today I'm wearing a pair of earrings that were a gift from an ex boyfriend years and years ago. We were in a very serious relationship, that overtime, just deteriorated. He also got me a matching necklace and ring for these particular earrings.
My husband has never bought me jewelery. He says he doesn't know my style, I say we've been together for 5 years now, he could have learned by now, he just chooses not to. It's one of the things that really bothers me about him.
My ex bought me jewelry. Obviously, there were many more significant things about him I didn't enjoy, otherwise we would still be together.
But I just can't help but compare the two. They're clearly different people and trying to compare them is dumb as hell, but I can't help it.
I just wish I knew how to stop.

Lunch Today

So today for lunch, me and "Short Co-worker" went to a soup and sandwich place nearby. Across the street from the resturaunt is one of those "Useless Crap No One Will Ever Want, Even If It Is Really Cheap" type stores, and as is typical of these stores, they have a whole mess of those cheap fuzzy blankets hanging outside. Now as most people know, usually these blankets are adorned with popular trademarked images, like Sports Teams, or Scarface, or Winnie the Pooh. And this place wasn't any different, except for one blanket.
There was a pink blanket with a young womans face on it. She had long, flowing black hair which curled up underneath her into the word "Mom"...
Short Co-worker chimed in "I know you want that blanket."
"Actually, I'm having a hard time thinking of something I would want less than that blanket.."
"Come on, it's awesome."
"Rape. I would rather have that blanket than get raped, and that's about it."
"I might actually prefer the rape."
"It would depend on who is doing the raping. Like a clown. I'd rather get that blanket than be raped by a clown"
"Agreed..."

The Disheveled Police Man

This morning, on my way to work, I saw a car that had been pulled over on the side of the road. There was an "Unmarked" police SUV sitting behind him. The man at the window, taking the guys information though, did NOT look like a cop in any sense of the word. He was wearing dirty, torn jeans, an untucked, un-ironed shirt, and his hair didn't even look combed. It really looked like some homeless man had stolen this police car and decided to pull people over.
I can't even imagine what the guy who got pulled over was thinking.

Zee Goggles, Zey Do Nah-think!

So yesterday, on a smoke break (Yes I smoke, leave it alone), somehow the conversation twisted into our boss shaving his ass.
Don't ask me how this happens. The smoke break coversations we have follow a very strange flow. Just last week, we were talking about gardening, with a 30 minute interlude of Batman. These things happen, but usually, they don't make me picture my boss bent over with his head between his legs, reaching up with a razor to shave his ass. (Thank you nameless co-worker for reenacting that for me by the way...)
And then the question got asked.
"If a man shaves his ass, where does he stop?"
Seriously. Do you do the front to match it? Do you go down the legs? Mainly, because picturing a guy with a pristine hairless ass on top of the standard male wookie-legs is almost to funny to imagine.
And this is why I didn't get any work done yesterday.

Princess Morning Bunch of Flowers

This is a conversation that took place between my husband and myself..

Me - "Honey, what does our last name mean?" (Took his name when we got married was curious)
Him - "Oh, um, the thing I get you for special occasions."
Me - "Our last name means 'Funny T-Shirt'?"
Him - "No no no no. The thing I get you when I really screw up."
Me - "Our last name means 'Target Shopping Spree'?!"
Him - "No, the flower thing... you know, bunch of flowers."
Me - "Our last name means 'bunch of flowers'?"
Him - "Yeah but there's a better word for it?"
Me - "Bouquet?"
Him - "That's the one."

So yeah, tracing back the original meanings of my name, leads me to be "Princess Morning Bunch of Flowers". I'm super stoked.

More Weird Spam

Subject : i want to write to u, dear‏

Message: Hello, my gentleman I see a small house, a garden, the children are running and laughing, youhug my shoulders tenderly and whisper something funny and naughty in myears, we laugh and smile... Our friends drive up to our house and cry something gladly...Each morning we wake up in one bed and first of all I see the morning light and then I see you and the new day starts gladly and I understand that I am happy because I will see you every morning...These are the pictures I imagine when I think about the happy life together... If you want to build love and if you like me, please write to me,

Waiting for your answer, Stacy


This is quite possibly the most elaborate invite to a dating website I have ever seen. Also, Poorest grammer.

My Weekend

So The Husband, The Maf, and I went hiking this weekend. I haven't gone hiking for 2 years, almost exactly. The last time I went, it was a 5 mile trek after 2 hours of sleep through beautiful Zion park. I had a 2 month old baby strapped to my chest at the time. I was exhausted and cranky, and my mother (and every woman with a child older than my own) was driving me nuts with child care tips. Through this all, I managed to have an amazing conversation with my cousin who gave me the best child-rearing advice anyone had ever given me. Basically, she told me to accept advice from everyone who was willing to give it, but to only use the advice I thought would work well for my child and me. After the talk with her, I still got the irritating "You're doing this all wrong" advice from a lot of people, but I had changed the way I dealt with it, and it made life a lot less annoying. Sure, the scenery of Zion park was awesome, but what I really remember is the only advice I've gotten that REALLY made a difference.

Bizzare Spam Email

Subject: and all the land serene.‏

Message: shy country boy in a far away place that I know.,that everyone dreams about.


What the hell? Is it bad that I actually prefer the spam that is trying to sell me herbal enhancement? Or get me to send my money to some strange, far off country to help a fallen prince or overturned diplomat or something? Oh well. It also bothers me that I can't stop reading the message over and over again, trying to gleen some meaning from the apparently random string of words. I realize that I'm a random target for this e-mail, and yet I can't help but think that maybe there is a meaning in here that I'm missing.

Maybe.